Yes, All Women

The debate surrounding the #YesAllWomen  hashtag has been continuing for a while now, and while I’m pleased to see sexism finally being discussed in a mainstream setting, I still hear a lot of men claiming they aren’t sexist, so by default other men aren’t either. In some corners of the internet, some men claim that “men’s rights” are being eroded because women are standing up and saying “This just isn’t on”. If you think that your rights are being eroded because women are discussing what they experience on a daily basis…then you’re part of the problem.

I freely admit, I don’t get cat called in the street, nor do I get men forcing themselves on me in bars or clubs. I don’t have to tell men ‘no’ because they don’t try. If I’m out late at night I worry for my safety not because I am a woman, but because society deems me to be “alternative” – I do get terms like “Goth” and “freak” shouted at me in the street though I suspect that has little to do with my gender and more to do with my dress sense. I did once have a guy eyeballing me out of his van as he drove past and he was so busy staring at me he almost drove into a lamp post. However, I do have a go at men that I see cat-calling or groping because I’m happy to stick up for other women who might not feel comfortable with being outspoken. Why? Because it’s not right for a man to force his own agenda onto a woman.

I was hesitant to publish this post because so many of the #YesAllWomen tweets are about sexual harassment and abuse, and I felt that my experiences of sexism might be seen as ‘trivial’ in comparison, but a lot of people have asked me to publish anyway. So here it is. Because I have been on the receiving end of sexism that arises outside of the sexual arena since misogyny exists in many other ways. That’s what I want to talk about today – the insidious sexism that seems so ingrained in contemporary gender stereotypes. The inherent sexism that means guys I meet are put off because they were promised a helpless princess and instead they got Sarah Connor. Apparently I’m single because I’m “intimidating” or “guys don’t want a girl who makes them look bad in comparison”. Seriously? If it matters to you that growing up I didn’t want to be a Disney princess like other girls, I wanted to be Maleficent, then I’m not sure I want you in my life.

When I had my first book, The Guns of Retribution, published, more than a few people were surprised that a girl would have written a Western – especially one narrated by a male protagonist. Anyone who reads my fiction regularly will know I often feature male protagonists. I quite like writing men – it’s hardly surprising as most of my favourite people are men. But to have people ask why I chose a genre associated with a rugged, masculine myth just illustrates the point – if a man writes a beautiful love story set in 1920s Paris he’s considered sensitive, if a girl writes a pulp adventure set in 1880s Arizona she’s weird. A story is a story, people. One reviewer said “I think that this young lady should stick to writing about things that she is familiar with” and while he might have been referring to the fact that I’m British (and apparently incapable of researching another time period or geography), why draw attention to my gender? What does that have to do with anything? Women shouldn’t be put off writing certain genres just because they don’t have a Y chromosome.

On top of that, I’m continually met with surprise when people outside of academia find out my academic specialism is horror. I’ve even had people ask me “if a girl should be watching something like that”. Why? What effect do you think it will have on me? Oh no, a girl is studying set design in horror and has a greater appreciation for the art department of an independent studio – oh the humanity!!! Yes, a vast majority of slasher films are deeply misogynistic BUT they also give rise to characters like Nancy in Nightmare on Elm Street who are tough, resourceful and intelligent. Marty in Hell Night is even a mechanic. Let’s switch to the supernatural horror, which I prefer – women are often characterised as monstrous (Carrie, Sadako, the Woman in Black) but they have the ability to move throughout the film enacting their own will, not one foisted upon them by others. Why are women outside of cinema not allowed to do the same? Sadly the role of the woman within horror has been eroded over the years. Let’s look at Poltergeist – the mother is the only character able to save the daughter. Insidious is a virtual remake of the film – yet in this case the father is the only one equipped to save the son. Has so much really changed between 1982 and 2010?

I love the action heroines of the 1980s, a decade when power dressing and gender politics meant women could stride into the boardroom. Films were full of characters like Ripley or Marian in Raiders of the Lost Ark. But now? On the occasions I’ve gone to the nearby range with my dad to shoot his air rifle, I’m met with stony glares from the other men present. If testosterone had an actual scent you would choke on it in there. Apparently girls shouldn’t be allowed to shoot. Why? Does it disrupt the myth that men hold the power, symbolised by a gun, and in allowing a woman to wield that, she’s somehow undermining male authority? Or does it destroy the myth of the nurturing woman? No, you backward dicks – I just like hitting what I’m aiming at, same as you do. My dad thinks it’s awesome that I’m a good shot, but these other men behave as if my presence is disrupting their boys only club. Grow up, man.

(As an aside, I thought I’d add this – not all men are guilty. Some men should be lauded as heroes. I was once walking through town with a boyfriend and he thought he was ‘play fighting’ when really he was just irritating me, and some bikers came over to ask if I was okay. They weren’t to know he was just being a tool but they took the time out to ask if I needed any help. I said no, thank you anyway, wished them a good evening, and my boyfriend stopped behaving like a child. That’s all a man needs to do – just ask. Just make your presence known and if the woman needs back up she’ll accept it gratefully. She shouldn’t have to but that’s beside the point)

What I’m trying to say is misogyny hides in plain sight, disguised as societal constructs that we’re forced to adopt before we even have a choice in the matter. It’s the packaged-in-pink toys that promote housewife duties when the blue-packaged toys are more appealing to your daughter. It’s the endless parade of half naked women in music videos, shimmying along to lyrics that insist women are nothing but sexual playthings. It’s the godawful Oz the Great and Powerful, which teaches that women with real power of their own can’t solve a problem until a male con man comes along. It’s the glamourous women reading the news every morning, gleaming with Botox alongside their craggy faced male counterparts. It’s the women’s magazines that teach you how to please your man – and the men’s magazines that teach you how to get your girlfriend to please you. It’s the whispered rumours of how a woman managed to land a top job. It’s the female sports tournaments featuring real talent that are overlooked in favour of the male versions, filled with overpaid prima donnas. It’s the insistence that Amy Farrah-Fowler be dowdy because she’s intelligent, while Penny gets to be pretty and popular despite being dim.

At the end of the day, we’re all human beings. We all have talents, and flaws. There are women out there who would make amazing F1 drivers, or firefighters, or whatever else it is that they’re told they can’t do because “that’s not what girls do”. Men don’t come out of this well either, coached to be ‘strong’ and ‘masculine’ when sometimes all they need to do is have a good cry. There are some shitty women just as there are some shitty men, women who treat other women badly because they don’t fit the gender stereotype we’ve been forced to accept. But we all belong to the same species. Treat others as you’d like to be treated yourself. It’s really not that hard. It might sound trite but Bill and Ted had a point when they told us to “Be excellent to each other”. So save your sexist jokes, stop when a woman says ‘no’, don’t think you’re entitled to anything, and just be excellent. Otherwise we can’t keep claiming to be a civilised society.